#the writing and comedic timing are so damn good; make me cackle each time
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inafieldofdaisies · 5 days ago
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A Virtuous Business (2024) | Season 1, Episode 10
“You don't know how to play, right? I know it well, so I'll teach you step by step.”
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ashiristic · 2 years ago
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Prompt:
@epiclamer Impaled Prompt.
Thanks for getting me out of the writing slump!
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The hero opened their mouth to say something but remained silent. The white-hot pain blared on their side as their nemesis watched them with their mouth jarred. They would’ve won the award last year for the best actor if they really are an actor. Yet here they are—both of them — stabbing each other in the body while the villain successfully stabbed his side.
Sand swirled around them in a circle as the villain cocked their head in confusion. Are they really that… what? The villain’s hair danced with the strong wind, yet the hero couldn’t feel it. Is the wind a design effect for this area? They don’t know, and they don’t want to know because all they want is to get out of here.
“Fuck, I was so sure I saw it on your to-do lists today,” the villain paused, pulling the spear out of the hero’s wound. Great, now the hero is bleeding out. Just goddamn great, as the hero tilted their head, thinking or remembering whether they saw it or it was a magical imagination they thought a few hours ago. “Are you sure you didn’t write something like ‘stabbing’ on your to-do list?”
“Yes, I did.” The hero sighed, clutching their bleeding wound, and trying to not be in hiss pain. They shifted to the side, getting a few inches farther from the villain. “I did, but it was you getting stabbed. Absolutely, not me.”
The villain let out a small oh, blinking their eyes a few times before nodding in understanding. The hero glanced at their back, an opening. They have to run away before they die. Dying was never on their to-do lists, and they still want to taste the heavenly cake made by the baker near their apartment. Their feet moved away from the villain’s direction, preparing to run away, but pain punched them in the gut. 
“I thought you were a masochist when I saw that. Sorry for thinking that way?” The villain apologized, shaking their head as if the hero had lost someone important to them. They don’t have time for this, they have to run. Can they even run away?
“Really sorry hero, though I don’t have getting stabbed and dying on my bucket list.” The villain turned their spear, pointing it towards the hero as they launched an attack. Fuck, again with their flawless cuts. They avoided it despite the flashing speed of the weapon, then they ran. Their hand on their side as they gaze back from time to time, and dear lord. 
The villain is running after them like a cheetah.
“Just get the fuck away from me! I have a family!”
“Is that for comedic effect, or are you serious? Because it isn’t working!” The villain threw their spear into the hero, jumping up and down to watch the hero getting chased by their spear. 
“Good luck!” The villain waved their hand, cackling as the hero ran faster. The hero cursed, yelling damn, fuck, and praying the hell out in their mind. This is a nightmare. An absolute nightmare that’ll make them sleep forever. 
They dodged every thrust of the spear, whizzing as blood continued running down their wound. This is bad—No—the hero will die if this goes on. Fatigue hit them like a truck as they swayed, looking back to see how close the spear was. It was close. They took a sharp breath and continued running despite the injury and the fatigue knocking their brain. 
Run, run, fucking run.
Panic seethes through their vein-like venom, eventually giving in to fear. Their heart was booming inside their chest, awaiting the spear to stab them in the back. They glanced back, taking a deep breath, knowing it’ll be their last. As they moved one more step away, crossing the white line. The spear stopped.
It goes back to the villain with a quick turn, while the hero hopes the villain gets stabbed. They didn’t, instead; they gave the hero a playful grin, yelling; “Congratulations, you survived the challenge.” 
And they disappeared with a sandstorm, clearing the view. The hero never felt so happy to see the beautiful skyline of the city again as they knelt against the ground. They fucking survived a near-death scenario. Check.
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ficsforeren · 3 years ago
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Whether she’s a friend of mine or something more,” he said, “I don’t think it’s any of your concern.
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ok but he’s not wrong. He’s establishing a boundary to stay out of his personal life and just enjoy the music. I just love how protective he is of the reader though. I know it’s the reader’s job to write articles, but would it be that bad for her to delete most of her social media? Would fans target her friends and family’s socials instead? Oh no. Please don’t tell me some of Eren’s crazy fans would actually go to her work just to harass her in person.
Ok I don’t think I can ever say this enough but I fucking love Pieck. “No one does. I’m too perfect.” I love her confidence. I aspire to have just a fraction of her confidence. I would never picture Pieck as a source of comedic relief. Especially with how in canon she’s portrayed as someone quick-witted and analytical. But you do such a good job of fleshing out her character in a modern AU here.
I love her sense of humor. “Mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, purple-helmeted warrior of love.” I fucking cackled. How did you come up with those? Your creativity, Kana 😂😂
Also, my poor baby Porco. It’s just so interesting how communication is both an issue between Porco and Pieck, as well as you and Eren. The parallel. So many issues could be solved if someone would just have some courage to speak up and voice out their desire for something more. I mean I can’t say shit because I know if I was in the same position, I’d be too scared to do anything too out of fear of losing that relationship. But if it’s obvious to other people that there’s something more than just sex, TAKE THE LEAP OF FAITH DINGUS.
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Thank you for letting me live vicariously through the reader. Damn your smut is top quality. It’s nice to pretend that I’m desirable and attractive, especially in the eyes of a popular rockstar and the most adorable and sweetest angel.
My baby Armin 🥲🥲💔 I knew it was a case of maybe in another lifetime. Idk if this makes sense, but it kind of reminds me of Lara Jean and John Ambrose from to all the boys I’ve loved before. Things would be so much easier with Armin. But Eren will always be your first (and final) love. Maybe if he had come earlier or even at the same time, it would be more of a love triangle. Is it like a love line between the reader and Eren? Wait but if it was a trio instead of a duo, the reader for sure would have her hands full having to treat the wounds of both Eren and Armin. My heart broke when I read, “Let me stay like this for a few seconds.” WHY KANA WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? 😭😭 it’s ok Armin. You sweet beautiful soul. My poor baby. It’s ok. You will find someone who will also love literature and finds your clumsiness endearing. Who will be just as transparent with their emotions and appreciate you for you. There is someone out there for you (*cough* Annie *cough*) that will help you realize how amazing you are and how you make the world a much brighter place. Someone whose presence isnt addicting like a drug but being with is as easy as breathing. “You’re just too late, Armin.” Too late for the reader but right on time for another. It’ll be ok, Armin. Maybe not now. Or tomorrow. One day.
Would it be fine if I steal that line for my fic? “Just let me stay like this for a little longer.” As he counts each beat of your heart and relishes in your warmth, it wasn’t enough. Whether it was a few seconds, a few minutes, years. Even decades. Eren knew there would never be enough time.
I’ll credit you. Actually, I’m so sorry if that was overstepping. I’m so sorry for asking. I hope I didn’t upset you. Please don’t block me.
Bottom line, this chapter really had it all. Crack, angst, smut, comfort, then back to angst. Amazing work as always.
AHHHHH MY FAVORITE READER IS BACK WITH HER LONG REVIEW
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I'll answer your questions babe don't worry i gotchu
"Would fans target her friends and family’s socials instead?" could be that bad but it won't happen in this story. there's already so many things going on, I'm not gonna add more drama lol don't think too much about it
I think it's just when you really value your friendship, it's harder to talk about it because you know it will only bring more problems to deal with. but it's okay, both reader and eren, and pokopiku are going to have a lot of talking about their feelings soon
OMG YOU'RE COMPARING MY STORY TO LARA JEAN X JOHN AMBROSE ALKSDJFAISDLKFJLAKSJDF THAT, TO ME, IS SUCH A HUGE COMPLIMENT, DARLING!!! because honestly? i only know how to write male characters like eren (sweet but a bit naughty, sexy and wild in bed etc) so when I was going to include armin in the story, i was worried that he would feel pale in comparison, you know? l struggled so hard to make his character feel so different but also at the same time just as lovely and endearing. my friend told me the same thing, she was like, "dude if you can make your readers feel conflicted about choosing between armin or eren, like how i felt between peter and john ambrose, then it will be cool" SO TO HEAR THAT ARMIN/EREN REMINDS YOU TO PETER/JOHN???? ALKSJDFKLASJDFLKASJDFLKAJSDF THANK YOU SO MUCH
dude if she had met armin first, she would totally be with him until the end. armin has no flaws bruh he is literally too sweet
"Would it be fine if I steal that line for my fic?" OMG BABY YES, SURE, ABSOLUTELY! Please it's okay, it's not like I invented the words BUT HOW ARE YOU SO CUTE OMG I WANNA SQUISH YOUR CHEEKS!!! and EXCUSE ME???? YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD????? DON'T BE SHY AND SEND ME THE LINKS SO I CAN ADD IT TO MY TO-READ LIST
"I’ll credit you. Actually, I’m so sorry if that was overstepping. I’m so sorry for asking. I hope I didn’t upset you. Please don’t block me." OHMYGOD BABYYYYY YOU DON'T HAVE TO CREDIT ME IT'S FINEEEE really it's okay but thank you so much for asking you are just so sweet
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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 4 years ago
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Animaniacs Reboot Episode One
Fandom how we doin? Doin alright? Good!! We deserve to have a great reboot with these characters. I’ve been waiting for this day for the last two years of telling my friends who watched the original show (or even the ones that didn’t who were polite enough to lesson to me ramble). The best way to get my thoughts in order is-you guessed it!! A bulleted list!! 
- The Jurassic Park intro is still one of my favorite things that I have ever seen in any cartoon!!  
-Wakko and Yakko imitating each other is something that I never knew I needed in my life and I freaking howled with laughter hearing it!! 
-THE FREAKING OPENING SONG BEING SO SIMILAR YET KEEPING IT MODERN IS SOMETHING SO AMAZING!! The one thing that I didn’t get was Dot has wit, she’s cute they’re all witty. Though they are technically all cute!!
-Yakko’s little laugh seeing the water tower for the first time in 22 years was so cute okay? I love him, he’s my favorite of the group always has been and always will be. 
-There is a tad more sibling abuse this time around, I saw a lot of people hating on Yakko for smacking Wakko in one of the promos. To me it was more of a light bitch slap. It was more along of the lines of “Dumbass why didn’t you remember?! Do I have to do everything around here?!” 
- I already figured that Wakko left his sandwich there 22 years ago but watching him actually eat it was SO GROSS!! Like baby I’ll make you a much better sandwich just give me a few minutes. But him tripping the wires on his way back after doing that intricate “sandwich” dance was both hilarious and in character. 
- THERE LITTLE HUG I AM DEAD FROM CUTENESS!!! Also Dot breaking the fourth wall loved that
- Return of Frank Welker for Ralph!! He was always one of my favorites when I was a little kid with his bumbling idiocy. 
- I like the new CEO fine, she has room for development a little bit but her comedic timing was really good!! 
- Also Yakko calling Ralph “Ralphie” was adorable and nobody can tell me otherwise. 
- “I’m the eating stuff guy!!” Yes you are baby but Yakko is the knowledge boi and he needs to know everything (within the last 22 years that got a cackle out of me)
- Alright onto something that made me utterly lose my shit, the songs. Holy hell are these songs fantastic!! I love them so much, Randy freaking Rogell needs more love in the world as our resident song writer. Nobody writes songs for cartoons quite like he does. It’s still just as educational as it was 22 years ago and I love that this show is still teaching stuff to children with the same fast pace so at the end of the song you wonder if you learned anything at all or if you just loved the song. Also them being self aware about what year it was had me rolling on the floor. 
-ALSO BILL CLINTON STILL PLAYS THE SAX
- (A little side note I love these singing voices even 22 years later Rob still sings like a damn angel for Yakko, Tress is still adorable af for Dot and I still adore Jess’s Wakko in whatever quantity I can get him) 
- BRAIN INVENTED THE INTERNET?! WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME THIS?! 
- Also Brain’s insults are still fire “Pinky I’d be worried this drivel is turning your mind soft but you can’t mash what is already mush.” I have always loved their dynamic ever since I was a little girl. Also I have missed “Pinky are you pondering what I’m pondering?” way too much. 
- “That’s nice Brain. I spent the last 22 years undergoing rigorous psychotherapy and realized that our codependent relationship isn’t based on a shared desire to conquer the world but rather my enabling of your systematic emotional and physical abuse.” Baby yes you are absolute right about that and you should say it
- “And do you know what most humans use it for? I do but I don’t think I can say it” WAS THAT A PORN REFERENCE?! 
- The bear on the phone in St Peterburg got a good laugh out of me not gonna lie 
- Opera cat was super cute!! I also loved the almost Grinch-like smile on Seth Myers 
- “Oh that’s a great photo so life like!! *Brain* Ring Ring *Pinky* Hello!! Brain’s phone *Brain* May I speak with the imbecile who ruined my plan? *Pinky* That’s me!!” As much as I hate Pinky abuse this was genuinely funny!!
- I love Yakko’s wide eyed face as he looks around taking everything in!! He’s so cute!!
- “I bet I can sing a bitingly satirical song about it!! Didn’t we just do that before Pinky And The Brain?” YES THIS IS THE HUMOR THAT I LOVE FOURTH WALL JOKES ARE THE BEST IN THIS SHOW
- Wakko’s hip bump with Raven was so stinking cute!! 
- “If you wanna make some easy cash just recycle and rehash” Disney the last five years anybody? 
- The harmonies are so beautiful on this song!! 
And now I’m done!! I hope that everybody enjoyed the episode as much as I did (And I took a lot of cute Pinky pics if anybody wants to use them as an icon)
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thedeaditeslayer · 4 years ago
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Crash Palace Interview: Catching Up with Dana DeLorenzo.
This interview briefly brushes over Ash vs Evil Dead and Dana’s latest projects.
Even though it has been over two years since Ash vs Evil Dead has been on the air, fans still clamor for their favorite badass, Deadite slaying heroine, Kelly Maxwell. Dana DeLorenzo, the actress behind her is equally adored and cherished by admirers of the Sam Raimi legendary horror franchise.  
So, as always, I was thrilled to speak with her about life after Ash, her latest movie, the heartwarming holiday comedy, Friendsgiving and what she has on the horizon. Welcome to the Crash Palace Interview with Dana DeLorenzo…  
The Denouement of Ash vs Evil Dead Crash Palace: Thanks for speaking with me, Dana. It’s always a pleasure. Let’s talk about life after Ash vs Evil Dead. As you know, Lee Cronin is helming the latest installment in the Evil Dead franchise, Evil Dead Rise. Fans were hoping that the Ghostbeaters would be a part of that venture. While we know it is going in a different direction, do you think Kelly Maxwell could show up some time in the future?  
Dana DeLorenzo: One can dream, right? Let me take this moment, right off the bat to say something I say often because I mean it, and I can’t say it enough. People who know me know this is not fan service. I say it when I’m not doing interviews; I say it to my closest friends and my family on the regular.
I am so grateful to the fans of Ash vs Evil Dead and the Evil Dead franchise all over the world. They have truly been my Jiminy Crickets throughout this insane, bizarre year that is 2020. They have gotten me through so many of the toughest days, just by keeping the bloody love alive. With every year that passes, even though we haven’t filmed a season of the show for three years, it feels like it’s fresh because of the fans .
So, to all you Ghostbeaters out there: I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope I get to meet all of you someday. But I can’t convey enough how your passion and love of the show has gotten me through this 2020 roller coaster; thank you for keeping Kelly’s ass-kicking spirit alive! On that note, I have really missed the show, I’ve missed playing Kelly. I posted some things recently about Ash vs Evil Dead, photos I hadn’t looked at in a while. I miss it a lot. I like to keep hope alive that someday, somewhere, the Ghostbeaters will be reunited. Even just for a quick Ghostbeaters fist bump.
Is Kelly Maxwell going to show up in this film? No. I won’t say never, but from what I understand, this is an alternate universe for Evil Dead Rise, separate from Fede Alvarez’s movie with Jane Levy and it’s separate from Ash vs Evil Dead. It’s a new adventure in the Evil Dead universe. And I can’t wait to see the new blood and guts journey Lee Cronin takes us on. I would like to think in the Ghostbeaters’ universe, we’re still kicking it and we’re still fighting evil. But I am loving that the fans are clamoring for it! They can keep pestering Rob, Sam and Bruce the way they have for twenty-five years before Ash vs Evil Dead came to be — their persistence is what got me that dream job.
So, if they want to continue to pester to bring us all back, I won’t stop them! Because we know the fans have the power to persuade. It might take another twenty-five years. But I am always down to play with those guys and our great crew.  
CP: Do you keep in touch with anyone from the show?
DD: Yeah, I try and keep up with what everyone is doing and shoot them a message to tell them I miss them like the sap that I am. I just miss seeing their faces every day, you know?  I miss Lucy’s face pretty hard, and not just because she’s ‘Lucy Flawless’! She’s got new shows left and right, she never stops! Ray and I randomly text Pablo and Kelly’s catchphrases to each other. “How are you holding up? / What is happening?!” We said that pretty much every episode so it still makes me laugh. Arielle and I chat often even though she lives in Australia, she’s like my little sister! Bruce often responds “ in character” with the latest Snapchat filter. He loves those — just check his Twitter feed — and it’s all my fault. I showed him how to make them while filming Season 3. He could probably do a show solely with Snapchat characters — I’d watch.  
Fall from Perpetual Grace
CP: Let’s shift gears for a moment and talk about another series that you appeared on. You had a great run on EPIX with Perpetual Grace, LTD working with the talented Jimmi Simpson, Luis Guzman and of course, Jacki Weaver and Sir Ben Kingsley. There was some talk about a possible movie to tie up all the storylines after the show ended. Do you know if that is in the works?
DD: I have no idea, but I really hope that happens. Steven Conrad is a genius and so was that cast. If you haven’t seen or become a part of the cult following of Patriot on Amazon or Perpetual Grace, you should. But the people he casts and the stories he writes and the beauty of the cinematography, all  create a piece of art that is in its own category. He has such a strong point of view, aesthetic and vision, you always know when you’re watching a Steven Conrad show.
I’ve been very lucky to be part of two shows where both casts were like extended family. Like Luis Guzman. We  talked recently, I adore him. Side bar: I feel like in a crazy, crossover world, Luis could be Pablo’s other uncle because of his giant heart and comedic delivery. Anyway, we’re both working on my friend Joe Ahern’s indie comedy, The Disappearance of Toby Blackwood, which he co-wrote with Doug Mellard. And I can’t wait for people to see Luis slay the screen, yet again. The filming process is pretty innovative during COVID, where everyone but the two main characters filmed their parts at home using an app. These guys were doing it before anyone else, so kudos to them.  
Friendsgiving: The Gift that Keeps on Giving
CP: I had the pleasure of watching Friendsgiving the other night and it was an enjoyable holiday film. You had some hilarious bits as Kat Dennings’ wise cracking sister, Barbara. What drew you to the project?
DD: Thank you for watching the film and I’m so glad you enjoyed it! It’s the kind of original comedy we all need right now.
I knew I was auditioning for Kat Dennings’ (Abby)  sister Barbara, whose part of Abby’s Jersey-Italian family. Within the first two lines of that family exchange, I was cackling. I’m drawn to anything that grabs my attention on the page and holds it for the entire sitting of reading the script. Those lines of dialogue, the way the family members are unapologetically who they are, and the fact they mean well but are constantly giving you their two cents when you don’t want it or ask for it, hooked me. And that kind of art-imitating-life comedy held up for the rest of the script for me. Nicol Paone hit it out of the park, both on the page and behind the lens. And I’m pretty sure it’s loosely based on a Thanksgiving that Nicol and Malin Ackerman shared.
The subject matter was also relatable. I’ve celebrated Thanksgiving with my family as well as a couple of Friendsgivings. And the bottom line is, the holiday is just dysfunctional, always. It might be a lot more fun with your friends but it’s still going to be dysfunctional.
That concept makes me laugh. It’s not funny when you’re the one going through the stress and drama of Thanksgiving. However, it’s very funny watching someone else go through it. It’s cathartic. That’s why I loved it.  
CP: With so many talented actors in the cast, do you have any behind the scenes anecdotes?
DD: There was a lot of laughing in between takes. It’s always a good sign when the crew laughs. Abby’s (Kat Dennings ) Jersey-Italian family was cast perfectly, and the actors were so damn funny! Rose Abdoo plays our mom, Nadya Ginsburg as Aunt Anna and Johnny Williams plays Uncle Sal. Like I said, it was already funny on the page, and Nicol being a New Jersey Italian herself really captured the essence of those family conversations. The actors brought Nicol’s words to life, and on a few takes she let us riff.  In one scene the Aunt Anna character was telling the scripted story of a sexual gesture; I remember laughing so hard at her adlibbing additional euphemisms for that particular act by referencing Italian food.
One of my favorite things Nicol did was add some of the funniest ad-libs and bloopers in the end credits. I love seeing those! Now everyone who sees the film will get to see those behind the scenes moments.  
The Show Must Go On
CP: When we were coordinating this interview, you told me that you were going into the studio to do voiceover work. Can you give us a hint about this upcoming effort?
DD: The show features a cast of familiar faces that might have worked together recently. I just realized what everyone is probably going to think when they read this.  
CP: Sorry everyone, it isn’t Ash vs Evil Dead. However, you have more work on the way. According to IMDb, you have completed a short film called PCH. What else can your fans look forward to?
DD: The Disappearance of Toby Blackwood which I mentioned before but we’re still filming that. I am so excited about this voiceover project because it’s completely original in every way, it really hasn’t been done before. And of course, Friendsgiving is out now in select theatres and VOD. It’s the perfect film to watch this Thanksgiving when we can’t celebrate as we usually do. You can laugh at the characters’ holiday drama and maybe even be grateful to take this year off.  
CP: Will you be appearing at any virtual conventions like Bruce and Ted are doing for Wizard World events?
DD: There are a couple in the works. But in the meantime, I’ve teamed up with this new platform called, Real Talk Live, which is both an app and on the web. It’s like a virtual convention where you can live video chat one on one, basically like a Zoom call. You can schedule the video call in advance or whenever catch me whenever I’m live. I think it’s a great solution, and personally I’m really looking forward to connecting with Evil Dead fans this way until live events pick back up. And it’s accessible worldwide so this will be great to finally see the amazing fans I hear from overseas. I miss interacting with them in the flesh, hearing their stories and seeing their badass cosplays! And do I miss pose-punching them in our epic photos. So I end with this, because I can’t say this enough: “Thank you, Ghostbeaters! I love you more than Ash Williams loves his Delta!”  
Many thanks to Dana DeLorenzo for spending time with me at Crash Palace. For those of you that haven’t had the chance to catch Friendsgiving, it is available online by buying or renting it as a video-on-demand on iTunes, FandangoNow and VUDU.
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btssavedmylifeblr · 5 years ago
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BEEEE I FUCKIG LOVED THE BONUS CHAPTER I JSUT LOVED IT SO DAMN MUCH LIKE I LOVED THE INNER MONOLOGUE IR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT “What kind of weird sex game is this” “So is that the game? They make sexy videos and send them to each other to pass the time? Jungkook could make sexy videos. He’s never done it before but he’s the best videographer on this ship. Yoongi has totally butchered the lighting for this scene. Jungkook could do way better” I FUCKING CACKLED (1)
svtissendingmetohell said: THE WAY HES SO CONCERNED WITH WHETHER YOONGI IS GOING TO BRING HIM UP “Is there a man on this ship you don’t want to fuck? Jungkook is on this ship! This is his moment” Like oh my god this was GOLD I laughed through the whole thing, this was just so comedic I loved it so much Thank you so much, I had such a terrible weekend, I was sick and have an exam next week and this literally just cheered me up so much. I love the way you wrote this and I love your writing style, just, gosh THANK YOU
svtissendingmetohell said: That was all probably way too over the top but I just couldn’t contain myself (sorry 😭) Also (3) I guess but I forgot to put the (2) in my previous one but I’m not anon so idk why I did that ... Well good night 😂
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Yay! I’m so glad you liked it and it helped brighten your weekend. You picked out my very favorite parts!
Comments are never too over the top for me! 😂 Thank you! 💜💜💜
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lululawrence · 7 years ago
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lululawrence’s March 2018 Fic List
Click here for previous months’ fic lists
Hello and welcome back! Once again I am here to appreciate the awesome writers in our fandom in the only way I know how, which is to scream about how much I loved the fics I read this month. So without further ado, here we go :)
The Case Of The (Definitely Not Haunted) Styles Mansion by BriaMaria/ @briannamarguerite I loved this fic so very much and it will definitely be the first of several Marcel fics on here because I did the best I could to read those as they were posted hehe But for real, this fic is mystery and intrigue and I was so surprised when we finally figured out whodunit! It was cute and funny and scary and I adored it.
Save the Last Dance for Me by 1Diamondinthesun/ @1diamondinthesun  This one was ALSO SO VERY GOOD because once again, just like the one before, it creates a world that sucks you right in and you just...well I loved it. The back stories, the narration, the feels! I definitely cried. It was epic and I loved ever minute.
Like a Timebomb Ticking in Your Head by Decorationxx (Mitzsie) I wanted an angsty A/B/O and this certainly delivered. It’s fairly open ended as well, so be prepared for that should you delve in, but it does resolve some of the biggest concerns in a way that I certainly desired more but still loved it. Gosh this fic was so painful and beautiful that I just couldn’t put it down.
But Please, Don’t Bite by shyserious/ @shyshyserious Okay what can I NOT say about this? This fic is a ride! Another A/B/O masterpiece, really, and the journey it takes through everything with relation to Harry was intense. It kept me on edge so much that I had to stay up until like 4 am to finish reading it so I could finally relax again hahaha It was one of those fics that definitely stays with you afterwards and I highly recommend it.
Waiting for Daylight by dinosaursmate/ @catfishau This is like a Best Of album but for fics. I was so curious how it could possibly all come together, but the way it does is so perfectly and lovely and I just adored it. Sigh. The journey we go on with Louis is so much fun, whether you’ve read the other fics he journeys to or not, so I suggest everyone give it a read and if it takes you to fics you’ve not explored yet, that’s a great opening to give them a read :)
Just Jump by Jaerie/ @jaerie This fic! So much emotion and growth and sexiness and cuteness is smashed into this. I love it so very much. It is also a fun twist on heats for A/B/O, so I really enjoyed that as well!
An Ever-Fixed Mark by anonymous This fic is amazing and not just because it was written for me, okay? It is SO MUCH FUN and has a side of pure sadness that definitely brings the tears, but also a bit of confusion and mystery and the way it all comes together is so lovely and perfect! A definite must read.
Anybody Have a Map? by 2tiedships2/ @2tiedships2 My IRL bestie decided one day to write an A/B/O fic and then a week later, this was sitting and ready to be shown to the world. I was impressed by the speed she wrote such a fic firstly, especially since she’d never written fic before, but then I read it and it was just SO funny and sweet and just everything I adore about A/B/O fics and I am so super glad she’s writing now. This is such a fun read and story.
Crave by dimpled_halo/ @dimpled-halo Holy goodness, this fic! Jacky had teased us the entire time she was writing it with snippets and it about killed me, but nothing prepared me for the full fic. I was ready for the smut and the steamy sexiness of it, but I was not prepared for the emotions and the journey the characters go on! It was so beautiful and the timing and pacing of it was just. Wow. Yeah. Incredible.
Running Through a Cloud of Steam by allwaswell16/ @allwaswell16 Anitra took on a sort of soulmates that body swap for the soulmate reveal aspect in this fic and omgosh it was absolute and total perfection. The nervous excitement leading up to it all, the surprise when it’s revealed, the fear of what the reaction of the other will be...it’s just so pure and lovely and I adored it.
Buried Like Treasure by anonymous MARCEL HAS NEVER BEEN SO DAMN SEXY! I’m so serious, you guys. This kinky royal Marcel meets thief Louis and it’s just. Wow. This is such a beautiful fic of exploration and discovery and the way it all culminates in the end was unexpected and so fun. It’s such a great read!
Between the Stars by dinosaursmate/ @catfishau Okay, so this fic is kinda cheating because really I read it back in January I think it was, but it wasn’t actually posted until this month hehe I just really love this fic because Harry so absolutely gets freaked out by magic and it’s such a big part of Louis’ life and how they meet in the first place and it’s just so beautiful so see them do what they can to work through that. And when you learn more near the end, I was cackling and giggling while also fanning myself. hahaha As per usual with KK, it’s another perfect mixture of sexy and hilarious.
Stars Will Align For Us by 2tiedships2/ @2tiedships2 The bestie kills it again! Another fabulous A/B/O that is super interesting and so much fun. I love the little things that she adds into her fics that add such depth to them, but in a casual way. In this one particularly I love how Harry is always so in control of his inner omega...until he isn’t. Such a fun dynamic in here and a super interesting take on the relationship between omegas and alphas.
just like he already owned it by anonymous OKAY LISTENNNNN!!! I am such a sucker for fake relationship fics and then they added in teacher!Louis and guidance counselor!Marcel and Lottie getting married and just EVERYTHING about this was so cute and funny and lovely and I adored it. Such a great read.
Talk That Talk by homosociallyyours/ @homosociallyyours OMG okay listen. hahaha Harry is just soooo awkwardly...NOT good at dirty talk, until suddenly he just...gets it? But getting to read it all from Louis’ POV and he is pining so hard for Harry and trying to be cool about it and it’s just such great comedic gold and in the end such a lovely read. I will always and forever love friends to lovers featuring silly, clueless boys in love. hehe
Something in the way by momentofclarity/ @gaycousinlarry Okay listen. I’ve been in love with Sandra Bullock since While You Were Sleeping and Hope Floats was one of her films I loved growing up. This is such a great adaptation and I adore that it was kept in the 90s! The development of everything and the pain felt by Louis as he tries to heal from being so betrayed by his wife and yet the absolute want he feels with Harry is just. Gah. This fic is FABULOUS.
the beauty of the blistering sky by anonymous GUYSSSSS I don’t know why, but I kind of love apocalypse fics. Especially when it seems like the worst has happened, and some have survived and have to figure out what to do now. This fic does such a great job of balancing the fact that they are truly trying to figure out how to survive in this world, but the danger hasn’t completely passed. It is so creepy and intense and lovely. I think it makes the fact that they have found each other even with the despair of everything surrounding them so beautiful and the end is filled with such hope. A wonderfully well rounded fic.
Enjoy the Ride by 2tiedships2/ @2tiedships2 Yes, she truly posted three fics in a single month. Amazing, right? And this one is just as good as the others! Just like I loved in her two previous fics, this fic once again plays a little bit with knowing when you’ve found your mate and the balance of A/B/O dynamics amidst all of it. Add in a road trip and my favorite amusement park and you truly can’t lose.
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exile-wrath · 7 years ago
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Dude do you have any kingsman fic recs because I’m Desperate and don’t know where to start
HELLO DID YOU SAY KINGSMAN RECS BECAUSE I AM HERE. THESE ARE MY ABSOLUTE TOP SIX
1)Lagavulin and Guinness by Snarfle || Rated E, 163.5k
Plenty of people had looked down on Eggsy throughout his life. He had gotten fairly used to it. Didn't mean it was fair, but he knew how these things worked. What really sucked was that the new Arthur was worse than the old one.
“Eggsy grimaced. He didn’t know how to explain to Harry – who seemed like he hadn’t been discriminated against a day in his life – that the new Arthur kept giving him what amounted to suicide missions, and that he was currently bleeding out in a warehouse because of the deliberately bad intel she had given him.”
Also featuring: Dean is harder to get rid of than Eggsy thought, his mum is going off the deep end, there are way too many nefarious plots in play, and Eggsy is really beginning to wish that Harry would stop holding his hand and kiss him instead.
*takes a deep breath*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH THE PLOT BUILDUP AND EVERYONE’S CHARACTERIZATIONS AND A REALLY NEAT LOOK AT HOW KINGSMAN RUNS. My heart freaking broke for Eggsy a couple times, and most fics that are past V-day show that all is well, kind of, but this one doesn’t go that route. Eggsy struggles, the author gives us wonderful development and fight scenes, the writing is fuckin aces, and Harry’s characterization really gets me here. Merlin and Roxy are wonderful, but Eggsy is naturally the star of the show and honestly I did find myself crying at some points because of how goddamn hard he has to fight. 
I love it. read it. if you can only read 1 kingsman fic in your life MAKE IT THIS ONE
2)Care and Custody by esama || Rated T, 50.4k 
Eggsy takes out the medal in slightly worse circumstances, asking for a miracle.
I love, like, almost everything esama writes tbh
Anyway this one is great because everyone’s characterizations are on POINT, I really like how they executed a fix-it to the events in the movie while making it super natural and not contrived. Everyone goes a little different route than they do in the movie, and the result is just glorious. Also I’m pretty sure I said that the characterizations are on point but guuuh they’re just so lovely we get a lot of Eggsy and Daisy interaction in this it’s so sweet and thtis is super heartwarming and I’ve read it like five times I’m pretty sure. It’s just all-around feel-good but it never gets to the point of being disgustingly fluffy.
It’s the #1 kudosed fic in the kingsman ao3 tag for a reason
also 100000% suggest looking at all of esama’s other kingsman works.
3)all the tables turn by DivineProjectZero || Rated E, 23.7k
Harry Hart has terrible taste in men.
So it comes as a bit of a surprise when Eggsy smiles at him and the predator inside Harry cocks its head in consideration.
Honestly dude everything by DivineProjectZero is also a go. 
This fic in particular is a really nice look at what goes on in Harry’s head, especially re: things like his love life. Something I find really fascinating is the muli\tiple takes on his character that the fandom has, and I especially adore this one. I’ve read it at least three times, and I enjoy Harry’s slow slow descent into realizing what he and Eggsy has every damn time. 
4) We mustn't touch what isn't ours by inusagi
Harry Hart is a sociopath, yes, but he's a sociopath who loves Eggsy.
or
5 times Harry showed his true colours and 1 time Eggsy really sees it.
I take an inappropriate amount of glee in this fic series because it’s both hilarious and somewhat fits Harry’s character. It’s also fucked up at points, but the relationship between Harry and Eggsy is never not lovely and honestly I was mad cackling at some parts. 
*looks at the parachute* :3c you’ll know what I mean, if our tastes run similar
5) who got the keys to my bimmer by hartwinning 
"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?"
Harry gives him a slightly bewildered look and furrows his brow.
"A porcupine has the pricks on the outside," Eggsy finishes.
~
AU: Eggsy is a mechanic working in a garage owned by Dean.
Harry Hart is Galahad, Dean is forever an asshole, and Lee Unwin and his death have no connection to Kingsman. In terms of setting, the Lancelot trials are over (Roxy won the spot) but the Valentine investigation is ongoing.
I!!!! REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS!!! I know fucking nothing about cars but the fic doesn’t alienate you from reading if you don’t. Harry’s character in this leans slightly more towards comedic; in general this fic is a really nice comedy with the background of plotty kingsman things. Eggsy is a mechanic that isn’t part of Kingsman but somehow ends up running into it anyway, John Wick appears, Harry is lovestruck and it’s hilarious and this is just A++++++
6) a long succession of small mutations by brilligspoons || Rated T, 3.4k
As it stands, they've become each other's support systems, which in their case ultimately means they have no secrets from each other, and also they spend an inordinate amount of time getting drunk together when they're in London and off-duty. Possibly it means other things as well, but Roxy likes to spread out her world-shattering personal revelations over a longer period of time, thank you very much.
And yet—well.
"You, Eggsy Unwin," she hears herself saying in a pub one night, her voice gin-soaked and coming out lopsided, "are my best friend."
I really love this because Roxy and Eggsy’s relationship is something I highly appreciate  in the movie they’re not shown in a romantic light even ONCE and that’s really important to me. They’re the best of best mates and this fic goes into that. It’s short, but it’s an absolutely wonderful read. 
If you want more, I have 99 kingsman bookmarks and they’re all here, ENJOY
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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years ago
Text
Survey #107
“i love everything you do, when you call me fuckin’ dumb for the stupid shit i do.”
The beach or the pool?  The pool.  Cleaner, less risk, no sand. Do you have many internet friends?  Most of my friends are online. Do you think those friendships are on level with your real life ones?  Shit, I'm closer to some online friends more than I am "real" ones. Did you name all of your dolls and stuffed animals?  I think I might've...  I know I named the ones I really loved. Is your middle name plain?  Pretty sure it's one of the most common middle names. Do you like Resident Evil games?  RE4 is in my top 10 fave games.  I've played some of the original RE, but I didn't like it.  Controls were awful and I didn't find the story all that interesting.  I played like the first 30 minutes of RE6 with Jason, but for some reason we never finished it?  I'd love to play more, even though I've heard it was terrible.  Def wanna play the 7th too bc Leon is love.  Eeeeven though I heard that one was awful, too. What would you say is your WORST phobia?  I actually recently found out what pisanthrophobia (fear of trusting people due to negative, past relationships) is, and it is 100% that. Do you wish your last name was more interesting? Sure, I don't like my last name. If you wrote a novel, would you give the characters ordinary names?  Some would be, some wouldn't be. What’s your favorite leaf color?  Orange. Have you ever had a close friend get knocked up early?  I don't know why the term "knocked up" is annoying to me, but whatever.  Anyway, no. Have you yourself ever gotten close to getting pregnant? No. If you were to get pregnant as a teen, what would happen? Have the baby and give it up for adoption. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? A few exist, but I no longer have any. Are you afraid of needles?  No.  I mean the idea of getting a deep shot is unpleasant, but I'm not afraid of them. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? It really depends on the piercing and the person, but usually attractive. What's your most popular post? I actually made a gif of Chica and Mark almost two months ago (this isn't my main blog obvs.) that took way too long and Mark actually reblogged it (he controls his own social media) and????  A whale-like sob escaped from the very core of my soul?????  And I couldn't sleep for two days?????? Manga or anime?  Anime, I don't read.  I've never read manga, actually. A card game that you're good at? None. Favorite flavors of ice cream?  My favorite is vanilla with chocolate syrup, but I also like plain chocolate or moose tracks. Have you ever overcome a disease that was life-threatening and, if so, which one?  No. Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person? Yes, but thankfully nothing embarrassing.  I've come close, though. Do you like Subway?  Yes, but I always get the same thing there. Would you rather lose your best friend or your boyfriend? *girlfriend, but I'd rather lose my other best friend. Have you ever dated someone in secret?  My relationship now is secret to most people in my face-to-face life.  I mean I wouldn't lie if I was asked, but I'm not going to tell most people otherwise for a few reasons. Do you ever send people good morning texts?  Sara, sometimes. Do you kiss your pets? I kiss Teddy.  I would happily kiss Venus is it wasn't for salmonella. Would your parents approve of you dating someone of a different race? Yes. How old is the oldest person you know? Hm... I'm not sure.  Maybe this woman my mom used to watch; I met her once, and she was such a sweetie.  I think she was almost 90. Have you ever had to put your hand over someone’s mouth to keep them quiet?  Yes. Do you have an accent?  People tell me I don't really have one, even people from outside the state, but with some words, people can tell I'm from the south. Do you own any figurines? Of what? I have one of a small dragon. How long does it usually take you to get to sleep?  Now that I take Melatonin, like, 15-20 minutes I'd guess. What was the last picture you took with your phone?  My dog because he was being precious. Do you have trouble waking up in the morning? What gets you up and awake? I tend to lie there for a while, so kinda?  And I just get up once I'm not incredibly drowsy. What is one thing you and your best friend have in common physically? With Colleen, we both have blue eyes, with Sara, we both have brown hair. Now based on your interests, what is one thing you both have in common?  Sara, we both love reptiles, with Colleen... Jesus, like nothing. Where do your grandparents live? Florida (but she stays in New York a lot) and Michigan. When is the last time you went out to dinner with a friend? Where did you go? Who paid?  Earlier this month with Dad.  We went to a Mexican restaurant whose name I can't remember.  Aaaand I hate Mexican food. Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up?  Not really.  Too much work. What’s your ideal first date?  Don't have one.  Plenty of things can be fun with different people with different interests. If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt?  Boi step yo game up that's some amateur shit *doesn't mention how I have carpal tunnel so my wrist disagrees* Chinese or Mexican food?  Hate Mexican food and don't like much Chinese, but Chinese. Are you the type of person who would study for a test for hours?  No.  I'm not willing to invest THAT much time into studying. Do you hate when you’re in a good mood and one person ruins your mood?  Ha, yeah.  People can do that easily for me. What’s worse: Rude people, two faced people or fake people?  Rude or two-faced. Does your house have a doorbell?  Shit, does it? o_o  I don't think so... Do you know someone who has dropped out of high school?  A few. Has your Facebook ever been hacked?  I don't think so. Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook?  I love Tumblr so much help I didn't want this. Do you have any quotes on your bedroom walls?  The serenity prayer, yes. Do you wear earrings?  Ugh no because all of mine are silver, which I'm allergic to.  I want to get gold or surgical steel ones so I can actually wear them, I like earrings. Is your WiFi protected?  Yes. Does your phone have a cover on it?  No, but I'd like one. Would you ever lie about your past?  Already am about some things to people in my "real" life. Some say that high school is the best time of your life. Was that true for you? It was in some ways, others not. Is it good to have pride in your own race or does that separate people from each other because it makes them think of everyone else as ‘outsiders’?  It's perfectly fine to feel proud of your race as long as you don't look down on others. What’s the bravest or most daring thing you have ever done? Shit, probably speak my mind to my mom since she's scary as fuck when I disagree with her. Who owes you an apology? A number of people. Who deserves an apology from you? My dad deserves another, for one. Is a prenuptial agreement necessary or does it take the romance and trust out of marriage? Fucking destroys trust, imo. Know of any conspiracy theories you think might be credible?  Not off the top of my head.  I do find the theory of the moon landing being fake very interesting and there is some compelling evidence, but I still believe it was real.  It's my fave theory, though. How do you go about losing weight?  I don't eat nearly enough most days. What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made? Overdosing.  I mean it led to my recovery, but I could've achieved that in a different way. Are you patriotic?  Not especially, but I don't hate America either. When you ask people how they are doing you actually care about their answer or is it just polite?  Yes, I care. Would you consider yourself to be very polite?  In most ways, yes. Which group generally annoys you more, people older than you, or people younger than you?  Younger. What do you think of crop circles?  They're interesting, but I don't blame them on aliens. Have you ever written graffiti on anything?  Nope. Should birth control be taught in high school? How about in jr. high or elementary school?  Around 4th/5th grade. Some kids start having sex early, and it's about this time where a girl can get pregnant. Do you use bad grammar or hate bad grammar?  I only ever use it sarcastically or comedically. Last time you fed your pets? My mom always feeds all the dogs simultaneously, and Venus hasn't wanted to eat since I got her.  If she doesn't eat by mid-November, then I'll be concerned (already kinda am). Do you know/ have you met your significant other’s ex?  I know Sara's online but obviously never "met" him. What do you think about censorship in music?  I honestly think both versions should exist.  Some people don't like profanity and I don't believe children should hear it. Do you have any of your teachers on MySpace/Facebook?  I have a few. Have you seen your family tree? Someone made one, but I've never seen it. What are you most likely to do first in the morning; grab a cup of coffee, have a cigarette, or use the bathroom?  Use the bathroom.  I don't smoke and I hate coffee. What are you most likely to do when you are upset; talk to somebody you’re close to, cry yourself to sleep, or bottle it up inside?  I've finally learned how to talk to someone. What are you most likely to do if you get drunk; pick fights, hook up with people, or socialize with anybody & everybody? Never been drunk, but apparently I'm seriously giggly and social when I'm tipsy. What are you most likely to pick if you got to choose your topic on a research paper; drug abuse, mental illness, or the death penalty? Oh, I can write a damn novel on mental illness. What are you most likely to do if there are no good surveys floating around at the time; make some new surveys for yourself & everyone else to take, bitch & complain about how there are no good surveys then take a survey you don’t even feel like taking, or go find something else to do besides taking surveys?  Oh hun.  I get surveys from about a billion sources so I will never run out. *cackles* Do you hold grudges or forgive easily? If someone is truly sorry, I forgive easily. In a relationship, how important are looks? I don't care.  I care about your personality.  Sure, it's nice to be attracted physically to your s/o, but it's not a determining factor on whether I date you or not. Do you have to know someone for a while before you will date them?  I mean I won't date someone too quickly, no, but we don't have to have known each other for months or anything.  Jason and I started dating I don't even think two weeks after meeting, and we had a great relationship for almost four years 'til the end. What do you consider the greatest threat to mankind?  Hm, deep question... probably lack of compassion. Describe your music taste in one word:  Consistent. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, where would you go to hide?  Ideally a brick building or something likewise. Who’s your favorite character on That '70s Show? AHHHHH I LOVE THAT SHOW!!  Probably Hyde.  Maybe Kitty.  But I love them all omg <3  All the characters are SO memorable. Do you fangirl/fanboy over anyone?  hahahahahahahhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Have you ever said 'I love you’ and didn’t mean it?  I've said it back to Mom when I feel that I didn't, though I know I did. Use one word to describe your last kiss. Awkward. How much is gas where you live? Two-something.  Mid twos. What has caused you to reinvent yourself or reevaluate who you are? Absolutely Holly Hill.  It saved my life.  I looked at my situation in a totally different light. Short, knee, or ankle skirts?  I tend to aesthetically like those that are a little above the knee. What couldn’t you live your life without? My mom.  I don't think I'd survive.  She's the one who makes sure I keep myself on the right path. Would you be on that who wants to marry a millionaire show as a contestant?  1.) Why the fuck would I marry someone just for money and 2.) why the fuck would I want to go into a relationship with someone I just met. Is it easier to live when you’re evil? Sure, no remorse. <<< Yeah. Have you ever given blood?  Once. Are you a miracle? I consider every single life a miracle; it's the source of one tattoo I have.  This world being created and adapted as it has is miraculous enough, and then the odds of you exactly being conceived is SO fucking rare. Can musicians be held responsible for influencing people to behave badly?  No.  People make their own choices, lyrics don't change that. What annoys you the most about yourself?  I immediately assume the worst end result of any situation. Is it better for people to change and evolve their ideas or always be consistent?  It depends on the belief. Do you want a girl or a boy as your first born?  I don't want kids, but if I did, definitely a girl. Do you have any embarrassing usernames?  Eh, don't like some anymore, but no. Have you ever scratched yourself until your skin was raw?  I have six long scars on my left shin (one being the worst scar on my body) and four more mild ones on my right front scratching the fuck out of them after I shave and then shower.  I don't know why the fuck it happens, but it's awful.  Even lotion doesn't really help. What is the longest essay or research paper you have written?  Ten or so pages. Do you worry about being judged by other people?  I shouldn't be but I'm heavily concerned with it. If someone doesn’t like you, do you usually want to know the reason?  Duh.  I want to know if it's petty or something I can improve on. Can you do a flip on a trampoline?  I used to do front flips, but I was too scared to do back flips because I had this intense fear of breaking my neck or something.  Stopped entirely because of that fear. Does your doctor freak you out?  She doesn't freak me out, she's just unfriendly. Does it annoy you when people’s eyebrows are a different color than hair?  Don't care. Has your grandma ever cussed in front of you before?  More like at me.  But in front of me, too, once or twice. What primary color is your Christmas tree?  Green.  I want a black one, man, but since it's a family thing, it's obviously not just up to me. What’s the best camera brand?  I think it's technically Canon. Where do you go fishing at?  Dad and I haven't gone in forever, but it was pretty much always somewhere on the Tar River or Sapony Creek. How old were your parents when you were born?  Uhhh I don't have my parents' ages memorized, but Mom was around 35 and Dad's one year younger than her. Is there one song that you know all the lyrics to? A decent number, yeah. Has a cat/dog ever thrown up on your bed?  Omg no I'd never sleep on that bed again pretty much. Have you ever had a concussion? Ugh, yes.  Can't even explain how bad it was. Have you seen the movie "The Dark Knight?"  You can't date the world's biggest Joker fan and not at some point. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Summer has a leopard gecko and he's super-duper cute. Is there an animal that you’re afraid of? Maggots and slugs are the worst, whale sharks, some spiders and bugs. Kissed someone who was a really bad kisser?  Tbh. Gotten in trouble for public displays of affection? OKAY SO.  Jason and I used to ride the bus home together and one day I was falling asleep in his lap, and he was too.  Our friends were joking around and yelled something along the lines of us being too affectionate, so the bus driver came back to see what was up, and she looked so confused when she saw we were just trying to sleep lmao.  But she still told us to just sit next to each other.  Looking back on it, it was funny. Do you get bad hangovers?  Never had one. Have you ever sent a friend request to someone who you thought was someone different? No but true shit the only reason I accepted Jason's friend request was because I thought he was a different Jason lmao. Have you ever chatted with someone on webcam?  No because it's awkward as fuck.  Wait.  I did once with Jason.  Never again.  Jeez, three questions I've mentioned him in the last four ones.  Ew. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s cube? I ain't got the patience for that shit. Are you embarrassed/uncomfortable dancing in front of other people? YUP.  One reason why I don't. Do you ever drink directly from beverage containers because you don’t want to dirty a cup? No, because I don't want other people drinking my backwash??  This is such a backwards question. If you carry a purse, roughly how big is it? What do you carry in it? It's small.  Phone, iPod, wallet, keys, hand sanitizer, a few other miscellaneous things I may need. Of all the pets you have had throughout your life, which one has meant the most to you? Is there a reason why?  My current dog Teddy.  He's an absolute angel that adores me probably even more than I adore him.  He's been an important part of my life for 11 years, and I could never love a literal child more. Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? My mom 'cuz she'd kill a bitch. Is love a commitment to one person, or can you love more than one person at the same time?  I believe it's totally possible to be interested in more than one people, but love?  Only one.  I believe loving someone is about putting him/her above all others. What is your favorite kind of incense?  Omg I had this one, red incense that smelled fucking AMAZING, but I don't remember what it was called! D: Who is the most immature person you know?  *winks @ Sara* Do you read your friend’s surveys? Yes, because it's a cool way to learn usually miscellaneous things about them you wouldn't have known. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick?  I wouldn't want to get one tomorrow, actually.  I want to get a Markiplier tattoo I designed for Christmas, and I'm going to estimate it'll be around $150-$200 (I'm not good at estimating tat prices, so take that with a grain of salt), so I want to be sure we have money for that first.  Literally the only thing I'm asking for for Christmas, I just don't ask for much anymore. How do you feel about band tattoos?  I'm not against them or anything, but I'm not sure I'll ever get one. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Opposite or same, lip piercings. What brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? Splat is the only kind that's ever actually made the color stick for months.  Won't use anything but that anymore. Would you ever get your hips pierced?  No, seems painful as fuck and dangerous with pants and all, and I'm not skinny enough to look good with them. Have you ever gone to court? Not for a "real" trial, but I did have to give my reasoning as to why I felt I should be discharged from the hospital earlier (I think they wanted me there a month) to a judge, and it was one of the most nerve-wracking things ever.  I did win the case, though. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?  No.  I'm not necessarily scared of sharks and even believe they're immensely misunderstood, but I don't trust a shark enough to swim with it. Do you like sushi? I can pretty much guarantee I'd absolutely loathe it.  Never trying. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you? Relapsing.  I will fucking not go through that again. Who is your favorite visual artist?  NukeRooster and Culpeo-Fox of dA.  Their styles are super recognizable and just wonderful.  I actually want a tattoo of one of NukeRooster's pieces ("Denialism") and actually got her permission, but it would be INCREDIBLY expensive with how intricate it is, so it's gonna be a looooong time 'til that happens. How old were you when you figured out what you wanted to do for a career?  Lmao last month, so 21. Is there anyone with whom you would like to be better friends? A LOT of people.  Mostly online friends, but some irl too. Who was the last person you cried in front of?  Mom. Do you like pretzels?  I have a massive preference for soft ones, but I'll eat either. Do any of your friends have children?  My best friend's pregnant and I have some friends I used to be closer to who have young kids. Would you rather cry in public or make someone else cry in public?  I'd rather cry, but either would suck. Would you rather re-live today forever or not live?  I have absolutely zero desire for immortality. Have you ever truly thought you knew who you were going to marry?  Yeah. Who was the last person of the opposite sex to be in your bedroom?  I actually don't think a guy has ever been in this bedroom...  Well, maybe save for when people were helping us move in, but I don't remember. Do you like kissing in public?  Only if it's just a simple peck. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?  I don't think either is "better" than the other. Four guys/girls whom you find attractive:  1.) Mark Fischfuck, 2.) Link Neal, 3.) Hannah Hart is like my biggest female celeb crush, 4.) uhhh... I'm not really sure.  Maybe Johnny Depp? What is your definition of cheating? As soon as you're flirting with someone else in an obviously non-playful way, you're cheating. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? Older guys for maturity, no preference with girls. When do you want to get married?  I don't have a specific time in mind.  I don't want kids, so it's not like I'm racing the biological clock. Describe your personality in 3 words or less:  Really Fucking Awkward™ What size bed do you have?  Queen How many friends do you have?  Very few that I consider "friends," really.  Around like 10, and most I include are more like... a bit higher than acquaintances, but not really "friends?" What's the worst thing you have ever done?  It's something I don't talk about because it's humiliating to think I've done it. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)  Dry as actual fuck. Are you going to change your last name when you get married?  If I marry a man, yes.  If I maybe a girl, depends on whose name sounds better with whose last name lol. What is your phone background?  Lock screen, Mark Fischbach, home screen, the magic sigil from "Shadow of the Colossus." Have you taken self-defense classes?  No, but I should.  Particularly with how much I distrust people. What are you known for among your friends? Being very quiet. The person you would never want to meet? A rapist.  For someone who's never even been harassed, I am fucking terrified of them and rape in general to the point my mother and therapist have asked multiple times if I've ever been molested. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? The divorce.  I would say the breakup, but that, in the end, had an amazing effect on me. Have you ever built a snowman?  Yeah. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?  Vanilla, but sometimes I'm in the mood for chocolate. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?  The picture I did of one of my RP OC's scars to demonstrate how it looked since it was hard to describe. What do you think about babies?  I'm very uncomfortable around them and feel like I can just touch them and they'll break.  And unlike, like, everyone, I don't find newborn/very young babies cute. What is the effect on you of having people physically nearby, if they’re not interacting with you? AWKWARD AS FUCK I GET SO UNCOMFORTABLE.  Like whenever my mom sits on the couch (it's directly outside my door), I have to close it because her being able to see me and me being able to see her is awkward to me.  If I'm sitting in the front seat of a car with someone, I need music on. Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep?  I do that a LOT. Have you ever experienced something paranormal? I feel I have at least twice. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic?  I don't know.  You don't get AWFUL traffic jams in this part of NC, but we've definitely waited a while. Best field trip experience? The zoo in 5th grade!!  Saw meerkats for the first time and I was fucking ecstatic. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one?  Sometimes I don't go on for days, and if I do, I go through my news feed once and am done. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced? Maybe this one time when we still lived in Sharpsburg...  Mom came to get us from our friend's house, which was maybe like 15 minutes away, and I was having an absolute panic attack. Favorite episode of Spongebob?  Hm.  Maybe the Slasher one.  Or the pizza one. What bug frightens you most?  Rhinoceros beetles and wasps. Do you hate your weight? Yup.  But it's getting better. What do you usually order on a pizza?  Jalapeno from Domino's, pepperoni from Little Caesar's because their jalapeno is too hot for even me. What is one thing that the Titanic has taught you?  Don't go on a ship in a fucking arctic ocean. What is one thing you dislike about sheep? Why? I'm going to assume they smell bad?  But otherwise, I love sheep, they're super cute. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct?  That I love Mark, Rhett, and Link more than I love myself & they're probably right lmao. Do you sleep with your door closed or open? It's usually open, but I sometimes close it because Bentley annoys the fuck out of me because he comes into my room just to scratch himself relentlessly and get more fur in my room than there already is.  Like he ALWAYS comes to my room just to do this shit.  It's most annoying just because he's obnoxiously loud when he does this and I'm trying to sleep. Do you sometimes need help opening water bottles, Gatorade bottles, etc.? YUP.  My hands are extremely soft, so it hurts easily. What would you say is your number one priority in life right now?  My mental health, 100%. Are you someone who has to hide the things you like around friends? I don't have to, no, but I ABSOLUTELY do.  I'm way too easily embarrassed about what I'm passionate about.  But for some reason I'm not online. Do you like word or picture tattoos better? It depends on the style, how well it is done, and the placement. <<< This. When will your driver’s license expire?  My permit expires in December. If you did, did you have to get a Tetanus shot?  I think?  Isn't that a required vaccination? What color lipstick do you think looks best on you?  Black.  I think me being so pale actually makes it look nice on me. Do you prefer pastel colors or dusty colors? Forests or beaches? Strawberries or bananas? Pastels, forests, strawberries. Do you prefer sunshine or moonlight? Gardening or baking? Flowers or succulents?  Moonlight, neither, uhhh flowers maybe.  Or maybe the latter.  Idk. Do you use emojis when you text or type online?  No, I use emoticons.  It's a fucking miracle if I ever use an emoji. Do you like playing games by yourself or with other people? If you're talking about video games, usually alone. Do you prefer honey or jam? Roses or sunflowers? Oatmeal or cereal?  Jame, roses, probably cereal. Give me a random word in another language. Tell me what it means.  "Erdmännchen" is German for "meerkat." A romantic meal, a trip to a theme park, or go to a concert? Concert, dude. When was the last time you had an alcoholic beverage?  Two months ago because Mom felt like getting Smirnoff's and apparently we have the same favorite (the Jamaican one) and she laughed "well you better drink it before me or Nicole do" so we shared two. Do you believe you'll find someone better than who you're with now?  Honest opinion, I think she's perfect for me.  So finding someone better would surprise me. Do you like pineapple?  YES Would you ever smoke?  No.  I don't fancy cancer, bad breath, and a likely addiction. What was the first thing you are/were excited to do upon turning 21?  Even when I got out of the hospital, I did nothing to celebrate.  There wasn't really anything I looked forward to besides just legally being an adult. You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?  I don't ever want to be drunk considering I don't like the idea of not having a full grip on myself but if that was to ever hypothetically happen, it'd be Colleen, I'm sure. Do you like hickeys?  If they're not obvious. Do you always answer your texts?  If I have nothing to say, no. Do people ever call you by your last name?  No, I'd hate that.  I don't like my last name, plus it's masculine. What do you most like about making out?  It's just a passionate experience. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?  Huh.  Kinda split according to history. Are you too shy to ask someone out?  Apparently not. If an attractive person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? 1.) Looks are whatever and 2.) I'm not an ass, and even if they broke up, I wouldn't date a disloyal person. Is it hard for you to imagine life away from your hometown?  I don't live in my hometown already. Do you expect to move out in the next year?  That'd be pretty much miraculous. Name something you have always wanted and never got.  An iguana, for one. Do you want a small or big wedding?  I'm sure it'll be pretty small.  I'm not close to enough people to want them to come, but it obviously also depends on who my s/o wants to come. Do you actually participate in gym class, or just stand there? Participated considering you couldn't graduate without it.  Which was fucking stupid. Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment?  I've never had that fear. Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? I'd like to, but I doubt it. Do you have unlimited texting? Yes. Have you ever slept a whole day away?  Accidentally and I had a massive panic attack because it totally screwed me up. Do you like those ramen noodles?  I actually really dislike ramen.  There was this one spicy kind, though, that I essentially survived off of in the apartment, and it was good.  Don't remember the name, though. What’s your favorite song by Daughtry? "No Surprise" Do you make good first impressions?  I honestly doubt I do because I'll just make it fucking awkward because I'll be uncomfortable. Are you ashamed of your past?  Many parts of it. Name all the social networking sites you use: Just Tumblr and Facebook. Do you watch "The Walking Dead"?  No. Are raisins good?  Omg no.  Disgusting. Do you get cold easily?  I get hot easier. Have either of your parents gone to jail?  No. Do you think homosexuality (anything beside heterosexual) is a choice? I personally believe it's a mutation considering it defies the biological plan, BUT a mutation does not equate to being wrong.  I fully support it.  I don't believe it's a choice either because you can't force yourself to be sexually attracted to a certain gender. Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows?  Leave them.  Mom takes Nicole and me to get ours waxed for only special occasions.  There's really just no point. Do you like guns? NO.  I'm not into extreme gun control and overall do support the 2nd Amendment (but with some degree of improved control), but I'm personally horrified of them and never want to touch one.  They hold way too much power. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? I keep Venus' light on. What do you think of mosh pits?  Seems pretty stupid, honestly.  I've never heard of someone not being in pain after a mosh pit. Do you wear hoop earrings or studs more?  Eh, kinda tied. Have you ever had stitches?  Twice. Does heat seem to drain you of your energy?  Completely. Who do you think has it harder in terms of expectations regarding physical appearance: men, or women?  Elaborate on your choice? Women, easily.  We have an absolute novel of societal expectations. Who is the most emotionally strong person that you know?  I have a number of people in mind, but I don't know about most. Do you feel comfortable staying over at other people's houses for the night? I have to know the person very well. Or would you rather they stayed over at yours?  No, my place is boring as fuck. Do you spend time online when your friends are over?  I'll twiddle on my phone if we're doing nothing, but I don't use my laptop. Do you spend [too much] time texting when you’re around others? No, I try to refrain from texting when I'm with friends. Who was the “bad guy” in the last book you read? That I finished, Ner'zhul was the "main" one if we're being technical, but Arthas was a villain as well. Are you an insomniac? I officially do have insomnia.  I now have to take Melatonin every night if I at all hope to sleep.
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estherroberts · 8 years ago
Text
affection
part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts​ , @podcastmecaptain, and @lizzieraindrops
all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post.
click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!
ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.
golly gosh are sally and anthony SO affectionate??
they are so cuddly and touchy all the god damn time, they get accused of being a couple Constantly because of this
bear hugs, shoulder rides, endless friendly casual arm grabs and hand touches
anthony sometimes straightens sally’s glasses on her face for her
once anthony hits his growth spurt and gets Tol, sally’s just like MORE TO HUG!! and does her best to squish the air out of him even though her arms hardly go all the way around anymore
he squeaks
she used to call him The Squeaky Toy
he was extremely miffed
she makes a point of standing on tiptoe to ruffle his hair
or to do anything to him, really
tippie toe to argue
tippie toe to hug
tippie toe for serious conversations
tippie toe to shove a cookie in his mouth to shut him up
she shoves a lot of cookies in his mouth
when they sit on the couch together sally leans on him completely
just
flop
helen has her head in his lap at the same time and anthony’s just like :D
he’s just so delighted to be surrounded by and buried in his favorite people
he’ll lean back and get this big stupid smile and stop talking because he’s just overflowing with this settled quiet joy
anthony is not used to saying i love you, he’s not sure when it’s okay to start doing that, platonically or not, but once he figured out it’s chill he won’t STOP
sally is very casual about it and puts a lot of energy into it
helen says it less often but with far heavier meaning in her tone
helen is more likely to initiate affectionate contact with anthony than he is, he’s still pretty in awe of her and sometimes forgets that that’s a thing he’s allowed to do
(he also was not raised in an affectionate place so every time he’s like! oh! oh my god? wow. wow.)
soft cheek caresses, gently stroking a hand across his shoulders and massaging his back with her thumb, clasping the back of his neck, gathering him into a loving embrace with both arms
she jokingly smacks him on the chest whenever she remembers that he has more tits than she does
(she jokingly got him a bra for christmas and he almost dropped it in the fireplace)
sometimes she brushes his shoulders and smiles at him and says
“i’m not lovingly caressing you, i’m cleaning off all your dust, you old book”
“aha.”
“now i’m lovingly caressing you.”
“aha.”
anthony literally melts every time helen does any of these
every time she kisses him he’s pretty sure he dies and is reborn
every time he SEES her he’s pretty sure he IS dead and gone to whatever is upstairs
sometimes anthony lays a hand gently on helen’s shoulder and she just smiles at him and leans into the touch
he’ll do her nails for her too
and make her ginger tea with lemon and honey before her performances
if he’s retreating into himself or his work she’ll confront him about it. that’s a form of caring too
he forgets that matters
he was hyper focused on a mostly unimportant paper once and she shoved ice cubes down his shirtfront
nothing to wake you up into noticing you’re unhealthily fixated like frozen tiddies
lots more under the readmore! 
anthony is very tol and excellent for leaning on and helen takes full advantage of that fact
she’ll tuck her head under his chin and smile up at him
once in awhile, quentin leans on him, too. he and anthony go way back and they’ve both found themselves in the middle of this lovely mess of an affectionate squad, so hey why not cuddle a bit while helen and june are off having gal pal time
there’s a lot of reading with heads on shoulders, or hand holding between chairs
most people don’t Get quentin and june. he’s so chill and she’s so not. but they have a mostly inscrutable understanding.
quentin’s one of the few people permitted to make casual physical contact with her without getting their arm ripped off. in fact, june is 50% less likely to rip any arms off when he’s around. she’s not any less toothy, but a little less snarly.
quentin shows affection by interest in what you’re doing and by giving you food
june gets the world’s best protein shakes off of him
june occasionally LITERALLY tugs on pigtails to show affection
one time jack actually got her to laugh and she smacked his arm at 45% strength while cackling and he bruised
she makes faces at her friends from across the room and if they make faces back she smiles really big and happy
and it’s honestly so pure? who knew this is what it took
jack, bridget, and sally are the only ones esther feels 100% comfy with 98% of the time
jack wins because he’s known her the longest and she has the most dirt on him
bridget wins because she’s esther’s Person
it takes them a little bit to feel like they can be publicly affectionate with each other
but they are starting to now
they do little things, like chin grabs and cheek kisses and tucking each other’s hair behind their ears and it’s all soft and gentle and tentative, and
gosh, holding hands, they hold hands everywhere
and they say “i love you” as a hello and a goodbye and sometimes a lot in the middle too
and lastly, sally wins bc she’s floppy and her hugs are Safe and Protective and Good
one time anthony bear hugged esther and it was out of nowhere and it freaked her out, now he asks before hugging her every single time
and his feelings don’t get hurt when she says no, but it makes her happy that he asks so she doesn’t say no often
everyone else started asking after that too
sometimes helen forgets but she’s soft so esther’s ok with it
helen is Softe and hugging her is like snuggling a dove
june and helen put their legs on each other all the time and blow kisses at each other constantly
they make a really big deal about catching the airborne kisses and will occasionally pretend to drop the kiss for comedic relief
june ‘threw it’ in a blender once and turned it on, helen was so mock upset that june immediately tackle hugged her and peppered her in kisses until helen forgave her
they have a long standing tradition of drinking tea every sunday, complete with shit-talking and downton abbey reruns  
after they start dating these sundays also involve lots of kissing, and way more cuddling  
bridget plays with everyone in the gang’s hands while she talks to them
some people are more receptive to it than others
she doesn’t let this stop her
she also loves holding hands with everyone
(but especially esther)
she leaves books for people as her way of saying i care about this and i care about you, so have it
she writes personalized inscriptions in all of them
jack high fives everyone but sally the hardest and esther with the most accuracy
oh and ESTHER AND JACK DID BALLROOM LESSONS WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE
aND THEY WANTED TO BE PARTNERS SO THEY WHINED UNTIL THE TEACHERS LET JACK LEAD
sometimes they still bust out routines
(like the salsa dancing from earlier)
(for helen and june’s anniversary june took swing lessons from them and took helen out dancing at a jazz club and it was the best thing ever)
one time tiny sally somehow ballroom dips giant anthony
and then helen’s like, sally that was hilarious and good but This is how u do it
and dips him in a full circle before bringing him back up and kissing him on the lips
THE GROUP CHATS
THE TEXTS ARE GOLD
someone will whisper half an inside joke to someone in a class and you’ll hear a forehead hit a desk
the group chat with everyone in it had its title recently changed to
“softe”
because esther is an asshole
jack private messaged her yelling and she was laughing too hard to reply
quentin, somewhere in the distance, touches his fingers lightly to his lips and looks off toward the horizon
bless his heart.
previously it was called The Bin of Stim & Sin
the girlfriends have their own chat called
HAROLD,
a positive outcome of the esther and bridget and june kissing fiasco (and the “oh god you babies let me help you with your hair” that followed)
it’s a no play day in orchestra and esther is tired and rests her head on june’s shoulder
and june is like, !!!! internally bc, it’s esther and she doesn’t Do shit like this
and june is both honored and a little protective over her
and their fierce viola rivalry is only for fun after that
all of the girls in the gang celebrate galentine’s day by all going out to dinner together
one of the guys, probably jack, complains that it’s unfair that esther and bridget get to spend the 13th AND the 14th together
all of the girls yell at him at once and he never says anything about it again
penny links arms with whoever she walks next to
it gets ridiculous and the gang takes up the whole hallway when they all get in a chain
it’s like that scene from mean girls. eventually someone in the chain makes this connection (june) and someone gets dunked into a trash can (sally)
esther and anthony check each other’s math and draw little shitty stickmen doing weird things on each other’s notes
penny loves feather light touches, light pecks and butterfly kisses, and touching noses
penny’s also very huggy with jack especially
they’re that couple that always has their arms around each other and it’s not even weird they’re honestly just adorable
jack kisses her eyelids and she blushes
she pinches his butt when walking by and doodles absently on his arms
jack gets his hair ruffled by everyone
he complains but it makes him happy
he’s a Shaggy Boy
when he starts getting a little bit of stubble he’s so excited and everyone is so excited for him that they all touch it
quentin braids and unbraids june’s hair lots and it seems to soothe both of them
once sally gets comfortable around someone she kind of. forgets that personal space is a thing, sometimes. she pretty much reaches this comfort level with all of the gang and kind of makes it her mission to make sure nobody is touch-starved
she always backs off and doesn’t take offense when she inevitably oversteps and gets told off tho
she just loves her friends so much and her love pours out through her hands and her arms and her whole body
sometimes someone really needs it though. and she’ll get a Look on her face and open her floodgates of hugging.
actually everyone gets really cuddly when someone’s upset, or in the aftermath. whenever the person is comfortable The Hugs Are Broughteth
everyone stims way more around the ones they’re most comfortable with too
there’s a lab somewhere in the science department where the science part of the gang is theoretically working on projects and stuff, but all of the gang ends up there working on whatever homework or just hanging out
there’s definitely an old but comfy couch there
its worn and green and affectionately referred to as The Log
sometimes they work Too Hard and end up on the couch
there are always fluffy blankets and at least one heavy blanket thrown over the back or arms of the couch
and a couple of squishy pillows
jack and esther end up curling up there next to each other like two sleepy peas in a pod
sally frequently perches on the back of the couch because if she fits, she sits
(she has gotten stuck in high cabinets more than once because of this and had to yell for help from anthony, or june, if she’s around)
(june laughs at her for a long time first)
(anthony is very delicate about it but he’s suppressing chortling)
sometimes sally flops sprawled over the Entire back of the couch and takes up as much space as possible with her tiny body
quentin curls up in one corner of the couch and takes a fuckin well deserved nap with his feet on anthony
who sprawls on the middle cushion of the couch with his long legs sticking way out onto the floor
sally’s arm flops onto him from where she’s passed out on the back of the couch
they’re a big sleepy sciencey pile
one time the girlfriend gang finds them like this
“june! my phone!” helen hisses
june hands it to her so she can snap a photo of the science cuddle pile
(she carries helen’s stuff for her on days that she doesn’t have pockets)
(helen has no earthly attachments and june has a really big purse)
helen and june then squeeze onto the couch between anthony and quentin and cuddle them as well as each other
quentin usually wriggles around a lot during this process and anthony has to pretend he’s not getting his crotch a little bit stomped on
his eye twitches a lot tho
bridget and penny grab some of the pillows and sit on the floor next to the couch together leaning against jack and esther’s legs
esther cups a hand around bridget’s cheek
jack drums his fingers on penny’s scalp, or taps her headband
helen runs a hand through sally’s hair fondly and she mumbles something in her sleep
helen rubs her head till she goes quiet again
she’ll nuzzle someone in her sleep and koala hug whoever is closest
it’s usually anthony
helen sometimes sings quietly until everyone passes out
the teachers have learned not to disturb them.
one of june’s other methods of showing affection is fucking someone up if they so much as prod those she cares about.
she is not afraid of suspension.
also, helen will be very. very. disappointed in you.
they all go quiet and soft eventually
time to sleep 
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thedragonlover · 8 years ago
Note
4. "i'm too sober for this" and 11. Dear diary wish you the best day!!! 🌻❤
aaaaaAAAAA THANK YOU
Evidence I can be a dumb: I reblogged that and didn’t even think about the fact that replying to asks about this would mean I’d have to post my writing on tumblr… is it weird that I got a little nervous? Considering I normally just write what I feel like and have uploaded lots of my work elsewhere.ahaha ignore meeee
I’ll write for MM because, hell, it’s cute and I feel like cute today okay not at all because you’re a MM blog and wanted a good chance you’d like reading what I wrote
just beware because I swear bunches and am writing this for giggles, and also I’ve never written for this fandom be gentle
4. “I’m too sober for this.”(Where MC isn’t paired with anyone, but you’ve still had the party and finally met the RFA face-to-face. Trying to avoid spoilers for anyone who hasn’t completed particular routes.)
.
It was a small get-together - just you and the RFA members meeting up for a nice celebratory dinner. It was a shame that V couldn’t make it, but he was grateful for the invitation. You were so relieved to have helped make the party a success, although you didn’t want to take a lot of credit. Everyone chipped in and put in so much hard work that, really, it made you proud to be a member of such a wonderful, kind of dysfunctional family.
Then you all sat down.
Zen got pretty defensive when Jumin commented on this “commoner establishment.”
This was a place that you had picked out, have some respect; don’t worry that it doesn’t meet his ridiculous standards, he’s just a stupid trust fund kid; babe, he’s calling me shallow, I’m too handsome to be anything like that materialistic bastard!
At this point, you were waiting for them to start pulling on each other’s pigtails to fuel all of the fanfiction people were writing about them. You very pointedly suggested seats that put them far enough to avoid physical violence. “No glaring at the dinner table.” They still continued to provoke each other, but at that point you’re glad they’re not making a scene.
No, you wouldn’t let Yoosung play a handheld at the table. Mostly because you forgot yours and wanted him to suffer with you. You said that talking with everyone can be fun too.
“Well… playing video games with everyone would be even better!”
For the love of…
“Especially when I wreck you,” Seven snickered, poking Yoosung’s face.
Of course he took the bait. “What?! No way, I’ll totally own you! Name the game and the time!”
“Mario Kart, an hour before your curfew, you cute widdle baby~” You hadn’t realized a person could literally talk in tildes, and then there was Seven.
“You’re barely older than me!”
Oops, maybe Jumin and Zen weren’t the only ones who needed to be separated.
You told them you’d wreck them both decided to be the adult here.
But, that’s right! Jaehee was here! This woman was a godsend, able to wrangle the most intimidating of business reports into submission! And she knew judo? Hell yeah! You could count on everything remaining under control with this badass at the helm!
…she looked so exhausted though. That’s right, it had taken a lot of convincing (both for her and Jumin) to escape paperwork hell. And you were going to enlist her help in babysitting all of these dorks? Oh, you couldn’t do that to this poor soul. Mama Jaehee needed a night off too.
“I don’t understand why we are eating here. I have chefs at home who would cook whatever dish you desired.”
“I swear, every time you open your mouth, I have to ask myself whether going to jail is worth it! It gets harder each time!”
“Ohoho, that’s what she said~”
“Seven, come on, that one’s not even clever…”
“Clever girl~”
“Don’t.”
Jumin was describing the fancier, more expensive lunch he had earlier that day with Elizabeth the 3rd. Zen was trying to ignore him, caught a waitress’ eye across the restaurant, and nearly made her run into a doorframe with a smile-wink-combo. Yoosung was “sneakily” playing his game under the table, and you let him because he promised to give you a turn. You didn’t notice Seven had stolen everyone’s napkins to make origami cats until his army was being sent to capture the entire table.
When your order was finally taken you asked if someone would drive you home later, and after being offered cars and a rocketship and even a piggyback ride, it’s Jaehee that inquired, “But, why do you ask?”
“I’m too sober for this.”
“Ah,” she responded. Then she added a drink to her order too. “Same,” she thought.
Zen is all for this development! “Well, you can count me in, babe. I just hope you don’t get too handsy with me, or I won’t be able to contain the beast…” Cue more winking.
Deadpan, Jumin responded, “Are you rabid? A beast that presents a safety hazard to society should be put down.”
“Wahh,” Yoosung cut in, “can we please not talk about putting down animals?!”
“Yeah!” Seven stood up. “Don’t! Talk about! Sad things! Around! The baby!” And he clapped for each pause, this man was a living breathing meme and there was no stopping him. So much for not making a scene.
As Yoosung argued about not being a baby, Jaehee accepted the wine glass handed her and downed it in one go. Zen was impressed. And he wasn’t going to be outdone, but then he started choking.
“Children,” she muttered.
“Yeah,” you agreed, an exasperated smile growing. “But they’re all my children, so.”
What a wonderful, dysfunctional family you had.
When Seven tried to ruin the moment with Bee movie quotes, you told them all, “But if you guys don’t cut the shit out, I swear to god I’m going to hang out with that Unknown guy because at least he seems to have some chill.”
“What the fuck,” Unknown blurted out, hiding in a nearby ficus.
11. “Dear Diary, …”
.
The moment you heard Seven start cackling, you knew you were going to regret inviting him over.
Regret turned to horror when he began, voice loud and singsong, “ ‘Dear Diary, today I actually cleaned up the apartment!’ ”
He was standing in your living room, on your sofa, with his shoes on, reading out of your personal diary, and you didn’t even care if you didn’t get away with his murder.
“ ‘But! Hold your applause! Because I also… put on people clothes! And I look pretty damn fine, if I do say so myself–’ ”
You lunged. He leapt over the back, whooping with glee. The chase was on!
Once you managed to convince him to skirt around the couch, you tried to leap over it just as dramatically, and faceplanted - thankfully on the cushions, but still, that hurt your dignity. And then he was sitting on your back, effectively preventing you from getting up and clobbering him.
“Seven! Get off!”
“ 'I hope you’re not a police officer, Diary, because I’ve got Fine written all over me!’ Aww, there’s even a little winkie face! Ooh, is that a list of pick-up lines I see? Were you waiting to use these on little ol’ me?”
“Seven, I mean it–”
“ 'You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.’ Ooh, that one’s old but gold.”
“SEVEN, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU–”
“ 'Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.’ Ah, I’m swooning! Take me, MC, I’m yours!”
With a full-body heave, you launched the man off of you and into the coffee table. It broke. Thankfully, you wouldn’t have to worry about paying V back for breaking it if you were locked away for second-degree murder.
“They’re pick-up lines, not throw-down lines–ouch!”
“Give it back!”
“Ahh, don’t hurt me, master! OW okay that one really hurt.”
“Then stop being a brat and let go–”
“And lose this comedic gold? God Seven will never let this go! I must spread this gospel!”
“AGH I’M NOT YOOSUNG OKAY I WILL END YOU!”
Some time later, after you’d reclaimed your property and handled the irritated police officer called out from noise complaints, Seven came out of your kitchen to find you still pouting on the sofa.
“I hate you,” you moaned.
“Your complaint has been filed and sent to God Seven, and–” He lifted his arms to form an “x” in front of him, declaring, “Hate denied! You must forgive him and smile!”
“Not a chance.”
“Come onnnn…”
“Go away.”
He brought a hand to his chin, as if contemplating a serious matter. Eventually, he nodded several times to himself, then made a pose he had literally ripped from the anime you two were watching earlier.
“Then you leave me no choice! I will have to use… my secret weapon!”
You arched an eyebrow.
Grinning, he sang, “You can come with me to see Elly~”
“…are you suggesting I join you in hacking through Jumin’s security, sneaking past all of his bodyguards, and breaking into his home, to pet his cat?”
“Someone sounds interested…”
You stared.
Hard.
“…dammit Seven, why do you know me so well?”
You threw a pillow at him when he mimicked Karin’s pose and laugh from Street Fighter V.
Kind of like how Jumin threw the two of you out that evening. He was seriously considering the restraining order this time.
These got so out of hand so fast ahaha. Hope they’re mildly entertaining?
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survivorelsalvador · 7 years ago
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EPISODE 2 - The Resident Messiest Players (TM) In The World - Dana
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(If a confessional is just a gif or a picture then it was most likely Veronica, winner of Jeju Island, uwu <3)
LILY
Pissed doesn't begin to describe how I feel about this fucking tribe. Literally two people are complete dead weight. Lexi and Kyle don't do fucking shit. Might I note I'm normally a very nice person ask my fellow comrades on Bahamas but this tribe sucks. Literal worst tribe I have been on and probably will ever be on. If this wasn't robs game I would probs quit. The only blessing is jake on my tribe but he also voted to get rid of Adrian so what the fuck. We will lose every challenge now and in fine with going home next so I can get away from the stupid people on this tribe. Lexi hasn't even messaged me back! Very rude. I have no respect. And I know I suck because I fell asleep last night but damn. Why couldn't they have at least voted for me last night to put me out of my misery???? Damn. Kyle and Lexi were excused from this challenge well fuck, you can be excused from my life! I'm so sorry Adrian I have failed you twice. I didn't see you going at all this week. I'm going to make sure everyone on this tribe loses this game because of this vote. I can't believe how stupid this tribe is seriously. I guess if Kyle and lexis plan is to lose every challenge then they are doing great. But yeah no I doubt it. Let's see if I blow up the tribe in the one world chat...
WILL
So everything's pretty chill right now, but I am worried that I've literally been carrying my tribe through these challenges so far like I got the highest score both times and this time in particular we may not have won if I hadn't done as well. We also got lucky that like half the other tribe didn't try or even do the challenge though but like.... yikes ugh I don't want people to rely on me too much or even think I'm some sort of challenge threat
ZAKRIAH
King of being a threepeater and not making an episode one confessional Well either way I'm back to get 8th for the third sequence season in a row
KAI
This round seems really quiet... I'm not sure if that's because everyone busy or something xD but I feel really left out of this tribe if they're not busy
WILLOW
Imdividual rewards kinda stress me out lmao
ZAKRIAH
I ain't winning this game
WILL
Like I'd say I'm sorry but Regan's really good at giving me new reasons to not trust her and be upset with her, like at least TRY to be a good sport and dont just leave one world every time something doesn't go your way? Like? Is that how the game works? No? That's unfortunate
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Anyways if I get voted out of sequence again because of Regan I'm literally gonna fight someone
JAKE
I have been doing terrible so far in this game. I've only played one of three challenges, and I went to tribal. I really want to step my game up, so that is what I plan to do.
LILY
One, sorry about that last confessional. I was so frustrated with how this game was going but damn did it turn around. I did really well in dolphin olympics and got to pick out of pretty much everyone. I was so sad I didn't get to play with chips in Bahamas so I needed this chance to be on the same tribe. Looking forward to meeting the rest of my tribe and hopefully be a lot better than last time Apopa. #PlayingForApopa
DANA
Writing a quick confesh now that we've swapped tribes and my tribe is complete. Listen, things were lookin STELLAR. Nicholas is one of the reward winners, and chooses me! My queen! I was so pleased! Nicholas is totally a fav and i'm thrilled to be on a tribe with him. At this point I know I have a pretty good pick and I'm immediately thinking about who I can get that will prioritize being loyal to me. I think of Zak and Willow first. I played with both of them in Solomon and showed them I was loyal by voting with them when we were all on a tribe together. The only problem? Willow and Zak are absolutely closer with each other than they are with me. At this point in the game, i'm thinking that's pretty irrelevant though, because right now I just need numbers. I know if I pick one, they will pick the other and that automatically gives me the ability to at least join up with them and force a tie on my new tribe.  Assuming Nicholas wants to work with us in a vote, which he has since confirmed he does, we get a 4-2 majority. Sounds amazing. I end up picking Willow first, because she certainly has less experience in the game then Zak and in the event we hadn't gotten Zak, I think Willow is a safer bet. For example, on day 2 of the game Willow asked me how she should be playing one world... like if she should pm people or not... and that ask for guidance is something that is easy to work with. anyways, we get Zak too. And at this point I'm thinking. Have I ever been in a better position in a game? Like I have Nicholas on one side, and Zak and Willow on the other. I bring everyone together, and I am at the pinnacle of this alliance. Genius. Then Zak trashes my dreams of perfection and picks Regan. Idk if they are friends or what, but I've heard A LOT about Regan in this community. She 100% gets the benefit of the doubt right now from me, but I know Nicholas was NOT happy to see her. Then true tragedy strikes. Like I must have done something REALLY BAD in one of these games in my past life, because I am surely being tricked. Regan's pick has me contemplating my own mortality in this game and asking the survivor gods why I'm being punished. The unbelievable happens, and his name is Jaiden. So Nicholas and I JUST voted Jaiden out in Athena Bahamas, where he and I had a cracked relationship and he kind of snapped a few times toward the end. I know... HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! I can't work with this snake. He's a nice guy, but I just wrote an 8pg confessional in Bahamas, most of which closely detailed every lie Jaiden ever told me. Moreover, he tried to fancy idol me out of Bahamas, and luckily another fancy idol brought me back in. There is just too much recent history with Jaiden for me to forget and trust him in this game. I mean I really feel like i'm having war flashbacks except they're not flashbacks at all and Jaiden is here squirming his way back into my life. Nicholas and I start going OFF in pms about how shook we are about this pick and how it literally makes our games so much harder than they need to be. Because even though Jaiden is King Mess, he is also great at getting idols and advantages. More to come later, but until then, I'll leave you with this: [6/12/17, 8:13:20 PM] nicholas: literally pour the bleach regan picked jaiden [6/12/17, 8:14:53 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING
RICHIE
whew i threw that reward challenge bc i did too well in the first immunity only because apparently im a spanish speaking icon??? but im so happy i didnt win the reward because it meant that i didnt have to be the first to pick a new tribe mate and draw attention to myself and i got picked by chips who is literally one of my favorite humans i've met in this world and i'm so excited to play together!!! and i picked ashton because i wanted to pick someone from my original tribe and after nicolas who was already chosen ashton was the person i talked to more during our short stay on the usul tribe.... now i have to talk to lily austin and jake but at least i feel content knowing that if we lose i dont think i would be first boot on this tribe???????  
WILL
I'm literally sCREAMING three different people all sent me the same receipts of Regan ~~~exposing~~~ me for being a "liar" GHJKLK like this is SO funny to me that everyone's running to me with these (like obviously Nicholas and Dana are my friends but Jaiden?? wants drama! i love it!) this game is literally on day 3 and it has more drama than i was ready for oh my goddddddd
DANA
I'm dropping this conversation from tribe chat into confessionals because I was CACKLING when this happened. I'm just trying to keep things ~funky fresh~ in El Salvador despite being stuck with the resident Messiest players™ in the world @Jaiden @Regan. Tonight, I'm feelin like a true comedy queen though. Check this strategically placed comedic relief. [6/13/17, 10:57:27 PM] Regan: look [6/13/17, 10:57:31 PM] Regan: I just get messy in games [6/13/17, 10:57:49 PM] jaiden: well [6/13/17, 10:57:50 PM] jaiden: same [6/13/17, 10:58:03 PM] jaiden: Dana knows. [6/13/17, 10:58:05 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): greetings jaiden [6/13/17, 10:58:22 PM] jaiden: I hope you send the right person to jury in Bahamas <3 [6/13/17, 10:59:07 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): another friend will join u soon [6/13/17, 10:59:10 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): maybe me [6/13/17, 10:59:16 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): who can say [6/13/17, 10:59:26 PM] jaiden: we'll see [6/13/17, 10:59:54 PM] Rob (Salvador, Aegean, & Bouvet Host): It me [6/13/17, 11:00:03 PM] nicholas: hi [6/13/17, 11:00:32 PM] jaiden: Nicholas and Dana on this tribe? may as well accept my elimination [6/13/17, 11:01:00 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): hey listen we’re winnin this challenge and not thinking about tribals [6/13/17, 11:01:25 PM] jaiden: :| [6/13/17, 11:01:32 PM] jaiden: I just don't know if I can believe that [6/13/17, 11:02:21 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): pls i dont want anyone to go, we’re friends again, remember? [6/13/17, 11:02:48 PM] nicholas: same [6/13/17, 11:02:54 PM] nicholas: I’m here for a good tome [6/13/17, 11:02:56 PM] nicholas: time [6/13/17, 11:02:56 PM] jaiden: hmm. [6/13/17, 11:02:59 PM] nicholas: not a long time [6/13/17, 11:03:30 PM] jaiden: until you flip on a revote and tell everyone in our alliance to do the same and then continue to say "well I will do anything for ur game bc I don't want to win (sun) [6/13/17, 11:03:55 PM] Regan: Jaiden omg [6/13/17, 11:03:57 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): idk her because i never did that :) [6/13/17, 11:04:01 PM] Regan: throwback to bbhell [6/13/17, 11:04:02 PM] Regan: because [6/13/17, 11:04:05 PM] Regan: Shelby said [6/13/17, 11:04:07 PM] Regan: the entire game [6/13/17, 11:04:10 PM] Regan: hey I don't want to win [6/13/17, 11:04:12 PM] Regan: you have to win [6/13/17, 11:04:15 PM] jaiden: but Nicholas sure did [6/13/17, 11:04:16 PM] Regan: and still didn't vote for me [6/13/17, 11:04:31 PM] jaiden: omg!!! Nicholas told me the same thing and still threw my game under the bus for his benefit!! [6/13/17, 11:05:01 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): new game, who dis [6/13/17, 11:05:13 PM] jaiden: hurt feelings carry over hehe [6/13/17, 11:05:15 PM] jaiden: <3 [6/13/17, 11:05:30 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): hmm interesting [6/13/17, 11:05:49 PM] nicholas: . [6/13/17, 11:05:56 PM] nicholas: jaiden are u literally inbred [6/13/17, 11:06:00 PM] nicholas: all offense [6/13/17, 11:06:08 PM] nicholas: I’ve been nothing but nice to you [6/13/17, 11:06:10 PM] jaiden: you're in bread binch [6/13/17, 11:06:25 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): I am bread binch [6/13/17, 11:06:52 PM] nicholas: grrrrr [6/13/17, 11:07:24 PM] jaiden: go growl at someone else furry freak [6/13/17, 11:07:36 PM] nicholas: . [6/13/17, 11:08:31 PM] Willow: I have no idea whats happening ahh [6/13/17, 11:09:01 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): we’re talking about themes for flags! [6/13/17, 11:09:05 PM] nicholas: yes [6/13/17, 11:09:12 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): and Nicholas and Jaiden are in a lil tiff over it [6/13/17, 11:09:22 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): because they both have a lot of passion for design [6/13/17, 11:09:27 PM] jaiden: actually I'm plotting my revenge, baby [6/13/17, 11:09:31 PM] jaiden: it's all about revenge [6/13/17, 11:12:11 PM] nicholas: anyways hmu when u learn to separate games! [6/13/17, 11:12:25 PM] Regan: OMG [6/13/17, 11:12:27 PM] Regan: guys want tea [6/13/17, 11:12:29 PM] jaiden: hmu when you know how to be a loyal ally in any of them!!!!!!!!! [6/13/17, 11:12:30 PM] Regan: do u want tea about will [6/13/17, 11:12:43 PM] Regan: okay so he was supposed to pick me [6/13/17, 11:12:48 PM] Regan: because we talked a lot [6/13/17, 11:12:57 PM] Regan: but unless I said id pick willa josh said he couldn't pick me [6/13/17, 11:13:02 PM] Regan: and also will said [6/13/17, 11:13:06 PM] Regan: because of jeju [6/13/17, 11:13:10 PM] Regan: hes never trusting me in a game [6/13/17, 11:13:15 PM] Regan: shows he cant separate games either [6/13/17, 11:13:24 PM] jaiden: is this a call out Regan [6/13/17, 11:13:26 PM] nicholas: him & jaiden would be good together huh [6/13/17, 11:13:26 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): trust is all fucking relative [6/13/17, 11:13:35 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): pls i dont even trust myself [6/13/17, 11:13:48 PM] nicholas: me This tribe is WILD. Have we talked about a flag? No. Will we lose? Almost definitely. I'm inclined not to even give a fuck if we lose, but then again, maybe someone handed Jaiden another Sapphire idol and my ass is out of here.
KAI
I mean... we didn't win HOWEVER WE DIDNT LOSE EITHER... so...
WILLA
Damn I thought our flag was cute but shit that other flag was incredible this should be a double tribal tbh send me home i got that flag in my brain that is enough for me cya
WILL
....anyways y'all need to stop trying to drag me into drama this isn't the game for that this is not the time nor the place
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wow regan's really about to let some random get to her just by saying random clearly false things huh? that's... a look.... i love one world yes i do
JAIDEN
I'll send a longer confessional later but I'm gonna make sure Nicholas goes.
KYLE
regan is racist
AUSTIN
My only friends are basically ribbons who's acting psycho, Lexi who quit, regan who ppl hate, and Jake/Lilly. Also somebody wanted to pick regan during the swap but then didn't bc regan wanes to pick me so lols! I think I said this last time but I'm probably getting voted out for like 15th ish
NICHOLAS
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ASHTON
Well I've still only talked to Richie so you know really doing good in that aspect. I'm happy he's on my tribe then cuz I don't think he will vote me out. Overall i'm worried im if my tribe loses But not too worried cuz i think i can get the target onto somebody else.
NICHOLAS
hi so there are 2 psychos on my tribe and i hope one of them leaves or i leave either way its going to be a huge win! yeehaw!
JOSH
HI I'M SUBMITTING SO I DON'T GET A STRIKE. So, I won the challenge that split us up into tribes so that was a wee bit iconic, if you ask me??  I chose to go with Will because he's who I have bonded with most and I really trust him so far.  I think that him, Willa, Kai, & I are kind of an unspoken thing?  Which I'm okay with them because I really enjoy them.  I think that my tribe should continue to win immunity because we sl@y and it's kind of my arc in Survivor Sequence to not go to TC without immunity in the pre-merge phase.  I CAN'T RUIN THAT STREAK??  I'VE COME TOO FAR FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.  I think there should only be a few more people that have to go home before we merge.  AND I HOPE that one of them is Regan.  I love her but she is on some rant about how she wants me out once we hit merge and like??  She's blaming the fact that SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS on why I didn't pick her.  LIKE IT IS MY FAULT THAT SHE HAD NO IDEA THAT I WAS THIS JOSH.  so now it's all my fault.  i'm so mad. anyways.  hopefully this next immunity is FUN.
MICHEAL
At first I had a solid allince then the tribe swap happened and everyone dosent really want to work together
RICHIE
lily made a really creative flag! we won! im happy to be safe! nothing else has happened !!!
WILLOW
I feel bad for loosing the challenge and majority wants Jaiden out but he's active and deserves to be here, and so I'm gonna vote him out anyway but
REGAN
So I will definitely do more around midnight. but  I love my new tribe this tribal is so hard but  i understand if go, but I think Jaiden is. WHo knows, I could be being lied to. I want nicholas to go because he likes to ignore me but he clearly wont because everyone loves him idgi. Like who are you?? ive been here for 2 years Im more of an icon than you
ZAKRIAH
I'm probably being voted out and if I am I'll be really sad bc I didn't get 8th or 16th :(
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